what makes someone something?

i love writing - does that make me a writer? on a certain level, the act of writing makes me a writer - it makes me 'one who writes' - but there's certainly a difference between someone who keeps a plant alive on their window sill and a gardener.

to be someone who is something - officially - must you have skill? is that what creates the difference, the true being of something? you cannot fly a plane unless you are a pilot - someone who has gained a certain amount of information on planes and flying them, someone who has put that knowledge into supervised action, someone who has passed the test - but anyone can move, write, sing, be someone they're not - which leads me to ask: what is working? sitting in a cubicle is working. delivering the mail is working. is sitting in my studio writing this BLOG entry working? who decides? what classifies working from not working? being given money for the act? the degree to which you like what you're doing? whether you choose to do it or whether it's forced upon you? whether it furthers your goals? must it be something that is not broken? it works!

the movement square's edges are starting to round - it just might roll

this week's discoveries and codifications:

1 - i am conducting movement research

2 - i am interested in exploring movement as an expression of music - not movement for movement's sake - so i can't start from movement, i have to get to movement through music. i have to be compelled to move.

3 - the missing link: i am supposed to have my violin and bow in my hands

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i met with ezra yesterday for our weekly rehearsal. a couch, a cat, and conversation were the main ingredients. topics included:

:what elements of movement interest us

:how to navigate communication person to person/artist to artist

:processes

:how to achieve a desired effect on an audience

:what you can and can't control (artist to audience/person to person)

:about the passage of time and how different places or situations can alter it

:how each person on an airplane has come from a different place, carrying each of their previous life experiences with them - how they will all go off in different directions upon leaving the plane to continue accumulating experiences - about what it means to have each of those people in the same reality together, moving through the sky, all on the same path, sharing the same space connecting point a to point b

animation station

Finally, after a week of updating and installing the latest software for my home computer my animation station is up and running!

The last picture is a frame from the original storyboard.

inner workings

i feel defeated. i can't make sense of things. i need an interpreter. can't someone come and put all of my elements into a diagram with lots of lines connecting the parts showing how it's all working together? can't someone show me the big picture? that's what beth used to do. things are moving alright, things are moving along without me. i can't keep up. i can't keep track. how do i know if it's all fitting in? it doesn't need me in the same way anymore, i see that. but seeing that doesn't tell me what to do, how to adjust. what is it trying to say? is it doing its job? is it effective?

i need some outer workings.

want to contribute? not sure how?

bridging wounds is largely about communication, perception, evolution, perspective, and the interconnectivity of things - i want to explore these concepts through human experiences, your experiences. i'd like to invite you all into an open dialog about the process, the concepts, the elements involved - will you share your brains with me?

many of you have expressed that you'd like to participate, but aren't sure how or where - visiting, supporting, commenting, or spreading the word are all wonderful and much appreciated ways. to chime in directly, click on the "comments" link at the bottom of any post.

i'm so thrilled by all of the interest, encouragement, and support i've received regarding the BLOG and the project. thank you!!

back and forth

i am most certainly on a playground.

i am just trying to figure out if i am on a swing or on one of those old school teeter-totters. remember those? (i think they did away with them in most schools. true story - super dangerous or something). anyhow i was sort of always terrified while on the teeter-totter (such a lame name, btw). instead of enjoying being tossed into the air and plummeting back to the ground, i spent the entire time terrified that my teetering (or is it tottering?) partner was going to jump off all stealth-like and send me barreling back to the ground. (which hurts like hell).

but the swings - i had a much better time with the swings. first of all, i essentially was doing it alone, the swinging that is. but as with the t.t. it was the last part of that that always freaked me out; because (of course) you were expected to jump out of those things. and while terrifying, there was something also super liberating about making the choice and taking the plunge (quite literally) out of the seat and, well, and onto the grass.

i am going on about this because for the past few months, or god, has it been a year? i have been going back and forth, up and down on the daily. one day i feel have everything under control and i feel like i am taking all of the right steps to have a successful little furniture/lighting/whatever micro design firm, and the next day it's as though i am as far away as ever from my goal, and nothing is materializing and i am getting old and i don't have a savings (true) and and and and and then the next day i am back to feeling like i have my ducks in a row, and while this all takes time, i am doing what needs to happen and i am doing it in a timely manner and yes gosh darn it i am going to be successful. and then the next day i am ready to join the peace corps and escape for two years.

...

so that's where i am, and that's how i am entering into this project. i am struggling with getting shit done and feeling accomplishment, while maintaining relationships with others and myself. i can't wait to get my fingers on some paper and get it between the jaws of my industrial sewing machine. and just let it go and go and go and...

i hope i am on the swing.


______________________

the first photo is of the building where i worked in a cabinet shop a little minute while studying industrial design.

the second photo is of my stuff on a chair brian made outside our shop space in georgetown.

this is my first post.

bag storyboard

amanda and i met yesterday afternoon for tea and my first glimpse of the storyboard she's created for the bag. IT'S AMAZING.

the bag story is abstractly about experiences i had over the course of 10 days with a very special bag i borrowed from a very special slovenian friend. when i gave amanda the story, i didn't tell her what the experiences literally were and this is the place she created her storyboard from. we sat with the storyboard she created and the text of the story i wrote, side by side. we talked about other things from the story we wanted to include and brainstormed ways to portray them. we did some rearranging. we talked about colors. we talked about how the images would behave - how they would flow, how they would come alive when in motion. only after seeing her first draft did i fill her in on the specific experiences i had documented within the story. as i spoke, pointing to lines in the text, she took notes.

it's wonderful to work so openly, so honestly, and with such trust. we question each other. we critique each other's work, each other's processes. we say, "i need 'this' from you." we value each other as people and as artists.

i just received an excitingly cryptic email from jamie calling me to a last minute morning meeting for the sharing of the new thoughts she's had regarding the project and her role within it. i'll report back when i know more. i love these people.

i'm working and it's really important.

i've spent the day stuck between two worlds, never quite landing in either.

constantly feeling like you should be working is such a curse. a curse - i must admit - i've always wanted. people who constantly feel like they should be working have "reached a certain level," a level where they have things that depend on their working on them. though i'm happy to have things that depend on my working on them, i must acknowledge the silly silly trap my mind has created for itself.

"We walked back to the front door because he said it was time for him to go. He said this apologetically, as if I would not be able to live without him. I said this was for the best because I had a lot of work to do. When I said 'a lot of work,' I moved my hands apart to represent all the work. He stared at the space between my palms and asked if I played the accordion."

-No one belongs here more than you. Stories by Miranda July

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up above and to your right: two fantastic images from jamie. we met at joe bar yesterday morning. she's been designing and building chairs and lighting fixtures. she's got those 'woman fingers' - perfect for felt, thread, and packing peanuts. we've been talking about textures. when we talk, it seems like we're talking about the same things. when she shows me things, it's a version of what we talked about that i never would have imagined. it's perfect - the epitome of collaboration.

my meeting with paurl yielded the discovery of the 'sparks' - a bunch of tiny stories that will live in and around the 4 main stories. this is the first time paurl and i will truly collaborate. it's time. he's writing now and will get me a heaping hand full by september 2nd.

the story of the bag is well under way. i have a draft to amanda and she has a storyboard in the works, which i will see at our meeting on wednesday. i trust her - i can't describe it any other way.

from amanda:

:stylistic thoughts for the story of the boots - we like the makeup, tiny circles

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRIZsbmMXVI>">Link

:stylistic thoughts in general - sand animation - so good

 <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_dMURWBCHQ&feature=related>">Link

:repetitive motion - inspiration for the midlife crisis syndrome
story.  i'm obsessed with this video - the look, the content, the
everything

< http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7346135205382749153>">Link

i feel so lucky and grateful to be working with such incredible artists, such incredible people.

travel personas

you'll have to tilt your head to the left and turn your volume to the up.



the following are not rhetorical questions - i want answers! tell me about your experiences.

who are you when you travel? what do you do? what do you wear? how do you feel? what do you think about? do you talk to people more or less then when you are not traveling? what do you eat? how does it differ from what you eat when you are not traveling? how does that make you feel? physically. mentally. do you exercise? do you chew gum? can you still go to the bathroom? do you sit on the seat? do you care about money? what do you have with you? do you feel free? do you feel confined?

do the answers to these questions differ based on your mode of transportation?

how would you answer in regards to traveling by plane - the time in the airport, the time on the plane, the adjustment to your first location post airport?

how would you answer if walking was your mode of transportation?

how do these answers compare to the answers you'd give if the questions were about your normal daily life? are they very different? are they the same? do you notice any trends? where are you happiest?

re-entry and integration

i am home after a wonderfully difficult six-week journey. day 4. things are finally moving. i have been agonizing over this project, my project, for a year now - floating in an endless sea of conceptual intangibility - accepting and integrating the many changes, disappointments, possibilities made impossible - searching through necessity for what it is. i feel as though i should introduce the project, talk about it as a whole so you, the reader, can make some sense of the process being tracked here - but that's just it, only now am i starting to know what this is beyond a feeling, a physical response, an image, an idea - and the ability to translate the emerging "this" remains an impossibility. i suppose that is one of my reasons for starting this dialog - to have another place, another format, to explore the project within - a place where i must communicate with words. you just place one letter next to the last, right?

i should start with the stories. that has become step one. (i have a step one!) the stories will be a collection of short stories, each an experience in a human life - about things coming apart, but not in a destructive way, rather as a way of opening, or completion - as a catalyst for change. each story will be about being ready for this change, about the change, about what the change brings, about the space between things, about the way that it's all the same thing when you really boil it down, about how it's all connected.

amanda and i had a great meeting yesterday - started talking about look/style/content for the animation and video stuffs. we now have 4 categories/stories-to-be we're working with:

:the bag - about relationships and my travels with a homemade slovenian bag

:the boots - about my dying green alligator cowboy boots and feeling most alone when surrounded by people

:travel personas - about activities used to avert reality

:mid-life crisis syndrome - about repetitive motion

i meet with paurl tonight to delve into these stories. i'm excited to be at the place where i can pass the ball for the first time. to say, "i want this kind of thing, including these elements, run through your filter - go!" and then to get something back - something from another brain. things certainly are moving...