re-entry and integration

i am home after a wonderfully difficult six-week journey. day 4. things are finally moving. i have been agonizing over this project, my project, for a year now - floating in an endless sea of conceptual intangibility - accepting and integrating the many changes, disappointments, possibilities made impossible - searching through necessity for what it is. i feel as though i should introduce the project, talk about it as a whole so you, the reader, can make some sense of the process being tracked here - but that's just it, only now am i starting to know what this is beyond a feeling, a physical response, an image, an idea - and the ability to translate the emerging "this" remains an impossibility. i suppose that is one of my reasons for starting this dialog - to have another place, another format, to explore the project within - a place where i must communicate with words. you just place one letter next to the last, right?

i should start with the stories. that has become step one. (i have a step one!) the stories will be a collection of short stories, each an experience in a human life - about things coming apart, but not in a destructive way, rather as a way of opening, or completion - as a catalyst for change. each story will be about being ready for this change, about the change, about what the change brings, about the space between things, about the way that it's all the same thing when you really boil it down, about how it's all connected.

amanda and i had a great meeting yesterday - started talking about look/style/content for the animation and video stuffs. we now have 4 categories/stories-to-be we're working with:

:the bag - about relationships and my travels with a homemade slovenian bag

:the boots - about my dying green alligator cowboy boots and feeling most alone when surrounded by people

:travel personas - about activities used to avert reality

:mid-life crisis syndrome - about repetitive motion

i meet with paurl tonight to delve into these stories. i'm excited to be at the place where i can pass the ball for the first time. to say, "i want this kind of thing, including these elements, run through your filter - go!" and then to get something back - something from another brain. things certainly are moving...