october 16

now i don't know how to interface.
i'm finally present -
transformed -
indescribably grateful...
how do i interface with my life in seattle after such magic?
a life i've spent the last 2 tours lusting after...
it's all me.
it's all my life.
there is no separation unless i make one.
he is changed too.
now that i don't 'need' to be home, i'm going home.
funny, and yet perfect.

august 13

magical nights on the black sea.
a reflection on freedom.
enter 27.
saturn is returning...
the balance between grounding into personal power and letting go.
butterflies chase each other.
a desire to love and own all of the self - step fully in.
a desire to create the life wanted with ones own hands.
a new glimpse of the web.

to carry forward: grace.

august 11

bodies hurt.
i am car sick.
gas station burek and yogurt - the probiotic kind.
we stand on a table for a photo.
the smell of redbull permeates.

home cooked meal heals.
family time.
night swim adventure.
the waves crash.

august 8 / wayward son

late night drive through hungary to avoid crossing croatian borders.
we break out into wayward son, dodge an owl sitting in the road.
a bottle of medica is passed.
a chorus of "ahh" punctuates the topography of the road.
the border patrol man 'jokes' that nika and i are staying there, but everyone else can go.
i laugh because i don't speak the language.
they laugh to play the game.

august 10 / zrenjanin - sofia

he is locked in a room.
she is traumatized by a schizophrenic.
i see her cry for the first time.
we brainstorm names for blank davis.
the tire tread bursts.
30 flies enter the van.
the light is beautiful.
i feel grateful and at peace.

august 8

we wait to hear if our hotel bill is paid. 2 hours.
i wear my new dress - flies with pink bows.
i feel so much better - there were legitimate things affecting my body.
i'm tired, but feeling so different - it highlights how bad i felt.
anger and frustration surround.
the police come at 8am in search of a passport.
i feel good in my body - a relief from the total discomfort of the last 2 weeks.
i look forward to returning home, cleansing, and dancing.

august 7 / border fun

we are turned away from the border (croatia - slovenia) because they cannot process ATA carnet.
the border is 300 meters from the festival we are playing.
we are re-routed to another border.
the drive takes 90 minutes and causes us to miss our sound check.

august 7 / rijeka

this is where people go to be murdered.
bathrooms outside, showers too.

chaos outside my door.
i yell, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" from bed.
it works.
i surprise myself and laugh out loud.

the mattress creaks and caves - all lumps.
(is there a body inside? i read about that happening once as a kid)

mechanical dreams - the city is rotating, turning over like a machine. careful not to fall through the grating.

there's mold under the sink - the smell hits me in the face.
i use my hair scissors to cut out the parts of the sheet that look dirty.

6am battle with a mosquito.
a man yells aggressively in a language i can't understand. a door slams.
is it 10 yet? how about now?
and now?

being an asshole is called 'the answer' - i call that the problem...

the people feed us.
thank you all.

a group of girls present an offering wrapped in a charcoal man.

i cut away the parts of the sheet that look dirty.

august 5 / the mobster

negotiations.
politics.
lies.
false layers/perceptions/plays of power.
corruption.
reactions flying.
fear.
sadness.
we turn against each other - but only briefly.

questions of value:
what do you value?
what do i value?

i think of the people in zajecar...
they need us.
we need them.

you have to dismantle the structure to rebuild - it's okay to let go.

i love watching the trees pass - the tall skinny ones.