the dentist and her daughter

zadar, croatia: the gum area behind my last molar on the bottom right side starts feeling strange. as the night progresses, strange turns to painful and swelling ensues. by 6am, i google 'gum abscess' and decide that sounds about right. all recommendations: see a dentist immediately. the plan is to leave at 9am for osijek, croatia to play a show that night. internally, i try to stay calm and focus on my breath (and refocus and refocus and refocus on my breath...), but my mind spins with fear - i'm terrified of dentists as it is, let alone in a foreign country! i don't have insurance or money. how are we going to find a dentist? there's no time to find a dentist - we won't get in until 4pm at the earliest, sound check is at 6...

in the morning, i tell my travel companions of my situation. chris has a friend in osijek and immediately emails her for assistance. turns out, his friend's friend's mom is a dentist.

yep.
seriously.

the friend's friend, sandra, and her mom, andela, meet us at a mcdonalds as we pull into town around 5pm. gino speaks to them for me. i'm told to go with them and i get ushered into the back of a small red car. i peer helplessly out of the window as everyone else climbs back in the van, hotel bound. i smell particularly bad - my stress sweat at its worst - which, i feel absolutely terrible about subjecting these women to. i keep my armpits attached to my sides in an attempt to trap the smell of anxiety. at first, it seems neither of them speak english. this adds to my terror. we whiz through small streets, stopping and taking off abruptly. i clutch the necklace beth made for me and run my finger nail over the beads. on the verge of tears, it occurs to me that being afraid is a choice - i could choose not to be and the situation would be just the same. this sounds better. so, i choose not to be afraid and instead, inhale to a count of 4, exhale to a count of 6. it works. i feel instantly proud of myself for putting those thoughts and choices into action in such a moment vs. only in theory.

we arrive and i'm led down a dark hallway. andela (sandra's mom - who has got to be in her late 60's) unlocks a series of doors and soon, we're in the exam room. there's a waiting area, but no reception. we are the only people there. she takes a few moments to prepare and then motions for me to sit in the chair. there are familiar and unfamiliar tools - small dishes full of what look like steel nails varying in size line the tray in front of me. her method for assessing whether or not i have pain is to hammer on my molars with the back end of a tool. clink clink...clink clink... she shakes her head yes and no as she does this - her way of asking, "does this hurt? and how about this?" i follow suit.

her diagnosis (from what i could gather): i'm teething.
my wisdom tooth is coming in and having trouble breaking through the surface, which caused an infection. she gives me two topical treatments (miming how to use them, adorably), and an antibiotic. i am to take 2 pills at the top of the day - she stands on her toes and holds her hand above her head - and at the bottom of the day - she crouches down, holding her hand below her waist - for 4 days. she refuses to accept any money.

after, she takes me into another room and feeds me sugary tonic water and crackers. she encourages me to take the remaining crackers as she rummages around for more things to give me: a small tube of toothpaste and a huge box of chocolate, which she places in a decorative gift bag. when we get back to the car, she insists i sit up front - with my bags in the back - and we drop her off not too much after. i get out and thank her profusely. she smiles sweetly and kisses both of my cheeks.

people. fucking amazing.

unintentional experiment no. 4

WATCH PEOPLE CHOOSE SEATS AT A MOVIE THEATER

you know that whole choice beyond instinct thing i was talking about? well, here's a super interesting (and often hilarious) way to investigate it.

it can be so difficult to make the simplest, most fleeting decision...

get there early and sit in the back.

unintentional experiment no. 3

TALK TO YOURSELF. OUT LOUD. IN PUBLIC.
...WHILE PRETENDING YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

i have recently adopted this method to support my newfound love (and turns out, necessary practice) of talking to myself out loud. i always use a headset so that i can just go about my business and say what i need to say whenever/wherever i need to say it.

observations:

>if i'm in motion and in a busy place, i am 100% comfortable and don't give it a second thought

>if i'm in motion in a minimally populated place, i can go forth without holding back, but am very aware of my 'faking it'

>if i am stationary - in a cafe, for instance - i feel like i have to prove to everyone that i really am talking to someone else and find myself talking more quietly, trying to actively have more of a 'traditional' conversation, and making faces or hand gestures in the 'quiet' moments to simulate listening/responding to someone else's contributions. why i think that makes me seem less crazy i have yet to figure out...

unitentional experiment no. 2

DANCE WITH CLOSE STRANGERS

what are "close strangers," you ask? close strangers are people that you see on a regular basis or spend a considerable amount of time in close proximity to - without ever speaking a word. find a reason to dance with them and you'll become fast friends. you might even hug. a lot.

unintentional experiment no. 1

GROCERY SHOP BEFORE THE SUN COMES UP

due to my car sharing and grocery needs, i went shopping at 7am this morning. i can not even begin to describe the surreality of the experience.