thoughts on performance - an argument for the importance of multiple performances of a work

in the performing arts, the evolution of the work continues through the performance itself. things happen in performance that just don't happen any other time. discoveries are made through each performance of a work that deepens the work, deepens the experience for the performer. through the repetition, it becomes a deeper meditation. there is a life that is breathed into a work when it is being witnessed that grows the work in a way creating and rehearsing in isolation just cannot. the accumulation and growth of knowledge about a work through the medium of the performance itself is so great that in every piece i have ever created or participated in of this nature, it is only after the last of multiple performances that i feel i know enough about the piece to perform it. after.

performance is not like many other art forms - it can be filmed and photographed, but beyond that, there is nothing tangible that has been created. there is no artifact to take with you. it is transient. it only truly exists for the span of the performance itself. and in filming a performance (which is very different than filming something that wasn't created for and presented to a live audience), the essence is lost. the spirit and energy coursing through the environment cannot be captured.

does anyone's family ever change...?

it's time to get real (as crazy as it makes me sound)

why is it so damn difficult to just be where you're at? why does it pose such a battle within yourself and when interacting with others?

it can be difficult enough just to discover/navigate/maintain/be okay with/feel strong in who you are, where you're at, and what you need without any other factors (people) involved. that separation is so rare. and when other factors (people) are in the mix, you then have to assert and defend and stay strong in who you are, where you're at, and what you need while navigating who they are, where they're at, and what they need. multiply this by the number of people you encounter in any given day and add the level of intimacy you experience with each of them. i realize that this is the human experience, but i'm genuinely starting to feel like it's all just a silly game - a game we play to avoid doing the real work (and i'm not talking the 9-5 kind).

when one is lost, why not pull strength from oneself by facing those dark aspects of being...?

there are just some things you can't escape. they follow you across an ocean and into the shower - relentlessly - like an obedient dog. fear is one of those things.

(it's such a funny little thing)

it doesn't exist without recognition. none of us want it, and yet we feed it and grow it anyway. our little companion, always there when we call it.

why do we fear the greatness in ourselves? why do we avoid it, bury it, sink into the mundane holding on to that stasis with all we've got, hating those who are doing what we secretly wish we 'could'?

fear rots us. we could be so much more.

sequestered

this snow day turned snow week has forced me to get down to business. i've been revisiting some music i wrote back in the spring with this project in mind, and codifying a game plan for the sound scape of a certain recurring thematic section of the story/video. certain ideas that had seemed silly or uninformed at the time of creation are starting to reveal their purpose within the piece now that i know much more about it. i even wrote some new stuff that i'm excited about!

because i have a big handful of incredible musicians down to play and experiment in recording sessions (and possibly live), the sound palate at my disposal has been greatly broadened beyond any former capacities. as someone who isn't first and foremost a composer, it's nearly as terrifying as it is inpiring at this point in the game. my plan is to keep chugging along little engine that could style and trust that i'll create something worth while - whether i "know what i'm doing" or not. i raise my glass to you, snow.

photos are from the LIFE magazine photo archive - "building the apollo space ship"

it's an interesting thing...

...gathering people who don't know each other and putting them at the same table to do an intimate thing, make art. it's like some sort of group blind date. i have to keep reminding myself that i'm the only person who is friends with everyone involved and that it's going to take time for my collaborators to develop personal/working relationships with each other and this project. growing relationships through the process of creating this piece is an intentional element, i just have to remember to leave room for it! i also have to realize that at this stage in the process, i'm working to externalize things that are very internal to me and need to allow time for each of my collaborators to digest all i've thrown at them before i can expect anything back. that said, our brainstorming sessions are gaining momentum and i'm confident that they'll only continue to grow as each person gets their hands dirty and develops a personal relationship with this piece. input from the multi-faceted perspectives of 4 individuals specializing in different mediums, each with unique life experiences, makes me a very happy lady.

amanda's busting out the bag animation...jamie's designing a screen...ezra and i start tangibly working on movement next week...

we are moving from concept to creation. way great!

i'm a terrible "blogger"

i'm trying to be better about posting frequently as i realize it's the reason anyone would check back - to see what's new - but this project majorly ebbs and flows, and my "blogging" has a hard time deviating...

the animation party we had a couple weeks ago was great. amanda's light box ain't workin' right now, so we're hoping we still like what came out of it once it's in motion...and if so, we're going to start having them regularly. anyone up for drawing tiny hatch marks with a charcoal pencil?

two pieces of exciting news:

1 - we now have a through line and a general shape!! amanda, the genius, magically, wonderfully, and so simply wrapped all of my seemingly disparate elements into a package. those epiphanal moments are always so incredible and often make me laughcry - it had been staring me in the face the whole time even down to how i'd organized my notes and drawings. geez and great!

2 - we have decided to revamp our timeline pushing our premiere back to fall 2009 and it feels great!

what makes someone something?

i love writing - does that make me a writer? on a certain level, the act of writing makes me a writer - it makes me 'one who writes' - but there's certainly a difference between someone who keeps a plant alive on their window sill and a gardener.

to be someone who is something - officially - must you have skill? is that what creates the difference, the true being of something? you cannot fly a plane unless you are a pilot - someone who has gained a certain amount of information on planes and flying them, someone who has put that knowledge into supervised action, someone who has passed the test - but anyone can move, write, sing, be someone they're not - which leads me to ask: what is working? sitting in a cubicle is working. delivering the mail is working. is sitting in my studio writing this BLOG entry working? who decides? what classifies working from not working? being given money for the act? the degree to which you like what you're doing? whether you choose to do it or whether it's forced upon you? whether it furthers your goals? must it be something that is not broken? it works!