back and forth

i am most certainly on a playground.

i am just trying to figure out if i am on a swing or on one of those old school teeter-totters. remember those? (i think they did away with them in most schools. true story - super dangerous or something). anyhow i was sort of always terrified while on the teeter-totter (such a lame name, btw). instead of enjoying being tossed into the air and plummeting back to the ground, i spent the entire time terrified that my teetering (or is it tottering?) partner was going to jump off all stealth-like and send me barreling back to the ground. (which hurts like hell).

but the swings - i had a much better time with the swings. first of all, i essentially was doing it alone, the swinging that is. but as with the t.t. it was the last part of that that always freaked me out; because (of course) you were expected to jump out of those things. and while terrifying, there was something also super liberating about making the choice and taking the plunge (quite literally) out of the seat and, well, and onto the grass.

i am going on about this because for the past few months, or god, has it been a year? i have been going back and forth, up and down on the daily. one day i feel have everything under control and i feel like i am taking all of the right steps to have a successful little furniture/lighting/whatever micro design firm, and the next day it's as though i am as far away as ever from my goal, and nothing is materializing and i am getting old and i don't have a savings (true) and and and and and then the next day i am back to feeling like i have my ducks in a row, and while this all takes time, i am doing what needs to happen and i am doing it in a timely manner and yes gosh darn it i am going to be successful. and then the next day i am ready to join the peace corps and escape for two years.

...

so that's where i am, and that's how i am entering into this project. i am struggling with getting shit done and feeling accomplishment, while maintaining relationships with others and myself. i can't wait to get my fingers on some paper and get it between the jaws of my industrial sewing machine. and just let it go and go and go and...

i hope i am on the swing.


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the first photo is of the building where i worked in a cabinet shop a little minute while studying industrial design.

the second photo is of my stuff on a chair brian made outside our shop space in georgetown.

this is my first post.