i feel defeated. i can't make sense of things. i need an interpreter. can't someone come and put all of my elements into a diagram with lots of lines connecting the parts showing how it's all working together? can't someone show me the big picture? that's what beth used to do. things are moving alright, things are moving along without me. i can't keep up. i can't keep track. how do i know if it's all fitting in? it doesn't need me in the same way anymore, i see that. but seeing that doesn't tell me what to do, how to adjust. what is it trying to say? is it doing its job? is it effective?
i need some outer workings.