i am/want (to work on)

THE process
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facing myself
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independence
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self-sufficiency
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letting myself be bad at things
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experimentation with things i don't have command over
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facing my humanness, accepting it, valuing it
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definitions of beauty and perfection
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a space to suck
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growing up feeling anything but creative - thinking it wasn't in me, i wasn't capable of it - in constant immersion of activities with clear cut right and wrong, good and bad, success and failure: catholic church, ballet, classical violin, concerto competitions, seat checks in orchestra...
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i fear you? well then i'm going to walk toward you.
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i want to write. i want to dance. i want to work with sound in new ways. i want to experiment. i want to be self-sufficient in these ways. i want to eliminate excuses.
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i want to dismantle my relationship to violin/music/art/dance/what it means to be an artist/what work is or isn't/what i should or shouldn't be doing...
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letting myself be human - perfection and beauty in imperfection