5 and a half days of hibernation and its exact opposite as this strange and slow and sudden transition into spring unfolds: the after continues

i purposefully don't have an internet connection or television at home to encourage a continually deepening presence and dialog with myself, but i will admit it - i have watched something like 8 movies in the last 5 and 1/2 days. some of them twice.

day 1:

go. go. make. make. don't stop. don't lose momentum. what's next? what do i want to make? how do i integrate and further codify all i have discovered, all i just made?

day 2:

this couch has never felt so good.

days 3, 4, 5, and 1/2:

exhaustion. inspiration. confusion. relaxation. nuturing. attempts to be 'productive.' couch potato-dom. tears. joy. attempts to numb. feelings of great fulfillment and achievement. excitement about the future. worry that i'll never leave the couch and make anything ever again. 3, 3hr dance rehearsals back to back.

i'm going to make a dance film. no, wait - a solo performance. no, i want lots of bodies on stage. but, wait, i don't think i'm interested in stages anymore. i'm going to write a book. a collection of short stories? autobiographical fiction? but first, i'm going to write letters to all of the people i've never stood up to on behalf of myself.